


creation and existence

by firefall



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Apologies, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Confessions, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Nebula Is A Pretty Blue Big Sister, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-13 03:36:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19243012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firefall/pseuds/firefall
Summary: “Tony was kind to me,” Nebula says shakily, hands curled into tight fists.  “He wasn’t scared of me like everyone else.  I’ll never forget that.”  She bites her lip.  “I wasn’t created to do good, but I’m glad I saved him.  A fluke worth celebrating, I suppose.”“It doesn’t matter why we were created,” Pepper says thoughtfully, leaning back in her chair.  “It matters what we do once we exist.  Tony saved the world and you saved Tony.”Nebula tries to apologize and gets loved instead.





	creation and existence

**Author's Note:**

> Well. Apparently I'm doing this. I'm making the leap to Marvel fic. [nervous laughter]
> 
> Definitely some huge Endgame spoilers in here for anyone who lives under a rock and hasn't seen it yet. Idk how much time passed between the final battle against Thanos and the Guardians leaving, but this story is set during that hand-wavey time period.
> 
> Warnings for: mentions of canon deaths pre-story aaaand that's pretty much it?? This is the most innocuous story I think I've ever written lol.
> 
> Note: I saw people talking about how Nebula was wearing a part of Tony's armor at the end of Endgame and seeing that I'm too broke to go to see this movie again in theaters to Confirm it, we're just gonna pretend that's canon even if it's not. Cool? Cool.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel and am not profiting off this work in anyway. All characters and plotlines belong to Disney, Marvel, and other comic book-y people.

It’s nearly sundown when Nebula gets to the cabin, the last streams of orange light reflecting on the surface of the lake.  The sight brings back a rush of emotion, a reminder of the one other time she’d stood on its shore, and she quickly looks away.  She doesn’t deserve to grieve.  She’s pretty much the _last_ person in the universe that deserves to grieve.

Somehow she makes herself knock on the heavy wooden door, bouncing nervously up onto her toes when it opens to reveal an exhausted Pepper.  Pepper’s eyes go wide in surprise for a split second before she invites her over the threshold.  All it takes is one step and Nebula’s inside the house of the man she murdered.

“We finished dinner a little while ago, but I could put the coffee pot on if you’d like,” Pepper offers as she leads Nebula into the kitchen.  “Or tea if you’d rather.”  She laughs a little.  “Nasty Terran stuff, I guess.”

Nebula has traversed myriad galaxies and spent time on worlds that aren’t even found on maps and she can say with one hundred percent certainty that Terran food is positively delightful compared to most of what’s out there.  But she didn’t come for pleasantries and she definitely didn’t come for sustenance.  

She came to make things right.

So she just shakes her head, politely waving away the offer.  “I won’t take up more of your time than I need to,” she promises and if her hands weren’t made of scrap metal they probably would have been shaking.  She remembers the sensation vividly even if she hasn’t felt it since she was a child.  She used to tremble so much back then.  “I just wanted to apologize.”

Pepper blinks at her, not understanding.  “Apologize?” she repeats, sinking into one of the rough-hewn kitchen chairs.  “For what?”

The question is too much to bear.  It has Nebula swallowing hard and bursting out before she can stop herself, “It should’ve been me!”  She ducks her head in embarrassment, clearing her throat before going on.  “It should’ve been me that killed my father.  _I’m_ the one that gave him passage from the past, _I’m_ the one that let him destroy everything we fought so hard for!  I should’ve done away with him and I should’ve died in the process.” 

She stares down at her boots, too terrified to see whatever is written across Pepper’s face.  There was a time when she couldn’t have cared less what a lowly Terran thought of her, but that time is well and truly over.  She’s seen what life Terra produces, what strength and bravery and endurance thrives on its surface.  She’s honored to have worked among them, for however short a time it was.  Because— “It’s my fault that your husband is dead and I just needed to tell you how sorry I am.  I know I could never make up for it, but I needed you to know.  Before I go.”

With that, she turns on her heel and marches abruptly for the front door.  She can’t get away fast enough, her guilt eating her alive.

Before she can go more than a few steps, however, a warm hand closes around her steely one and she pulls up short.  “Stay,” Pepper says from behind her, voice quiet and gentle.  “Please.”

Nebula’s body freezes.  It takes a moment for her mouth to unlock, but when it does she chokes out, “Stay?”

“Yes, stay.  Sit.”

Numb, Nebula does as she’s told, dropping into one of the other chairs with unnecessary care like she’s afraid it might break.  When she finally forces herself to look up, Pepper is smiling.  She’s _smiling_.

“You’re the one who _saved_ him, too,” Pepper tells her, a wistful sadness written into the curve of her mouth.  “Or have you forgotten that?”

Nebula, for her part, can barely speak.  “What?”

“You kept him alive until Danvers was able to bring him home,” Pepper reminds her, reaching across the table to take her by the hand.  Nebula doesn’t pull away, the sensation soft in a way she’s rarely experienced.  “Without you, he never would’ve been my husband.  Without you, I wouldn’t have Morgan.  You gave me the most important things in my life and I’ll always, _always_ be grateful for that.”  A single, lonely tear drips down Pepper’s cheek and it’s all Nebula can do not to lunge forward to wipe it away.  “The Nebula that helped Thanos wasn’t you.”

“It was a version of me,” Nebula points out, self-loathing stirring in her gut until she feels sick with it.

“A version that you’re not,” Pepper says firmly, tone brooking no argument.  “A version that you _killed_.  And that’s important.”

They fall into silence for a while, still hand-in-hand.  Nebula’s head hurts, her memory drive whirring a thousand miles a second, searching through her entire existence for _forgiveness_.  The only image it conjures up is one of Gamora, her arms wrapped tightly around Nebula’s body as she called her “sister” for the very first time.  It’s only Gamora.

Gamora and now Pepper.

Nebula can feel her throat tightening up, threatening the pesky oil spill that passes for her tears, but before they can fall, Pepper speaks up again.  “Tony really liked you, you know,” she says, a far-off look in her eyes.  “He told us all about you.  He would’ve been devastated if it was you instead.”  Her smile trembles.  “I don’t think he would’ve wanted to live in a universe without you in it.”

It feels like a bullet to the heart.  Like a searing pain she can’t get away from even if she deserved to.  “Tony was kind to me,” she says shakily, hands curled into tight fists.  “He wasn’t scared of me like everyone else.  I’ll never forget that.”  She bites her lip.  “I wasn’t created to do good, but I’m glad I saved him.  A fluke worth celebrating, I suppose.”

“It doesn’t matter _why_ we were created,” Pepper says thoughtfully, leaning back in her chair.  “It matters what we do once we exist.  Tony saved the world and you saved Tony.”

For a single, devastating second, it’s all too much and Nebula thinks she might malfunction, but then a tiny voice pipes up from kitchen door, “Are we having a sleepover with Nebula?”

It floods the room with cheery warmth and the atmosphere is instantly lighter, like a heavy weight has been lifted from Nebula’s shoulders.  She can see it on Pepper’s face, too, a brilliant smile pulling at her mouth.  “I don’t think so, sweetheart.  Nebula just wanted to pop in and say hello.”

“Darn,” Morgan says, poking her bottom lip out in a pout.  “I like Nebula.  She’s pretty.”

It shocks a laugh out of Nebula, staring at the little girl in wonder.  Pretty isn’t something she’s ever been accused of being. 

All the same, Morgan marches across the kitchen without a drop of fear in her tiny body to stand before Nebula, grinning up at her openly.  In that moment she reminds Nebula so much of Stark, it makes it hard to breathe.  “Have you always been blue?” she asks conversationally.  “Or did you paint yourself?”

“I was born blue,” Nebula tells her, unable to fight the amused twitch of her lips.  “My sister Gamora is green.”

“That’s cool,” Morgan says decisively.  “I wanna be pink.”  Then she points at the plating on Nebula’s left arm.  “What’s the red for?”

Feeling settled and almost peaceful for the first time in longer than she can remember, Nebula explains quietly, “That’s from your daddy’s armor.  He taught me how to use nanotech to heal injuries when we were in space together, so I thought it was fitting to fix my arm with it after—”  She breaks off.  “I want to remember him.”

Morgan is silent for a while, taking it in.  Then she climbs into Nebula’s lap and leans forward to press a kiss to the patch of red metal.  She whispers something that sounds like “love you, Daddy,” before pulling away.  Nebula can’t help it – she scoops the little girl up and holds her close.  Morgan hugs her back.

“You’re a little warrior, you know that?” Nebula says, meaning every word.  “You _and_ your mommy.  As fearsome as any soldier on any planet in the whole entire universe.”

“And you’re not a meanie,” Morgan tells her matter-of-factly, making Pepper snort a laugh from across the table.  Nebula grins at her over Morgan’s head.  She’d heard that little affectionate jab while Stark was recording his message to home.  She hadn’t bothered to complain at the time – he’d been right, after all.

But she’s not who she was created to be and neither is the universe.  So she holds Morgan tight and changes her mind about leaving.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
